Skip to main content

FIELD NOTES: In praise of the gofer

This past weekend, I was browsing through some posts on a Facebook page dedicated to Ohio’s Lake Erie Islands. I grew up on the nearby mainland and visited the islands frequently as a kid. While I find many aspects of “island life” fascinating, a particular post on Saturday drove home one specific challenge of that lifestyle that would be a non-starter for me. The poster asked whether anyone on Middle Bass Island had some polyurethane sealant they could sell to him. He was trying to finish a project and had run out. Sounds familiar. More often than I like to admit, I will begin a project, then discover midway through that I lack the nut, bolt, screw, wire, paint, or tool I need to finish the job. Fortunately, my local hardware store is just a few minutes away, so while I may grumble about having to get into the truck and drive all the way there and back, the whole trip is maybe a half-hour. I can’t imagine that trip being, as for the island resident, a half DAY. Or perhaps I can … 

Near the top of the list of complaints I compiled about my first attempt at rural homesteading in the mid-80s, the “Little House on the Highway,” was its, well, ruralness. Situated on U.S. Hwy. 25, about halfway between Perrysburg and Bowling Green, Ohio, the closest retail establishment was a Tractor Supply I only entered once (for reasons humorously recounted in this essay) seven miles away. Everything else was at least a 10-mile drive. Now, 10 miles doesn’t sound THAT far, but by the time you drive to the store, find what you need and drive back, it’s an hour out of the day.

It helped a little to have a wife who was accustomed to playing the role of “gofer.” Janet’s father was the “neighborhood mechanic” who often sent his daughter into town to retrieve a starter for a ’78 Buick or an alternator for a ’72 Dodge. But that was also the problem. While Janet’s dad could tell her precisely the part he needed, I often could not. You see, like my father and his father before him, I subscribe to the theory of “eyeball engineering”; I cannot describe exactly what I need, but I know it when I see it. That led to conversations like this: 

“Honey, I need you to run into town and get me something I can use to attach this piece of wood vertically to this other piece of wood.” 

“You mean like a bracket?”

“Yeah, maybe … something like that.”

Spoiler alert!!! That homestead was not a great success. 

These days, I run most of my errands myself, and on those occasions when I have Janet pick something up for me, she insists on a full description with the model number and preferably a picture. Mobile phones can be lifesavers! Which kind of gets me thinking; wouldn’t an app – think of it as GrubHub for hardware – be pretty useful? An internet search reveals that  gofer.com is “under construction,” so maybe …


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FRIDAY MATINEE: Midnight Mass (🍺🍺🍺🍺)

I held off writing this review until I had seen all seven episodes of the new Netflix limited series “Midnight Mass.” I’ve been burned in the past by shows that start out well and then devolve into silliness as they progress. While “Mass" doesn’t completely stick the landing, I think even the East German judge would give it a solid 9. Taken as a whole, I think it is as effective a piece of horror as the combined “It” movies from a few years ago, and right on par with “Hereditary” and “Midsommar.”  The story revolves around a man returning to his childhood island home after a prison stay for a drunk driving accident that killed a teen girl. Coincidentally, it is the same day the island’s beloved elderly priest, Monsignor Pruitt is supposed to return from a trip to the Holy Land. Unfortunately, the priest has taken ill and is being treated on the mainland. A temporary priest arrives to take his place.  The story takes a little while to get going, and anyone who’s familiar with t...
3 comments
Read more

Ancient Artifacts, Huntersville Edition

On Saturday, I replanted a flower bed near my garage. I have been trying to grow lavender and creeping jenny there for the past few years and the results have been underwhelming. I decided to pull everything out, double-dig the whole bed, add some peat to improve drainage and replant it. About halfway through the process, my shovel hit something metallic. Looking down, I was able to make out the remnants of some sort of cylindrical object. Believing that I might have stumbled onto a major archaeological find, I proceeded slowly, carefully removing the accumulated dirt and debris from around the object. Although it was now badly deformed and in two pieces, it was immediately clear to me that the artifact was originally a single tube-like structure, about five inches tall and two inches in diameter. It was made from a light, flexible metal and painted in bright red, green and white shapes. Although the condition of the object made it difficult to ascertain what the design might have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Don't Listen to the Old Man in the Pickup Truck

As economic development director for Anson County, I strongly urge you to vote FOR the Mixed Beverage* Election November 8th. But, more importantly, I encourage you to listen to the voices of the young professionals upon whom the future of the county will depend. If you look closely at the lower right-hand corner of the blue and white signs urging a FOR vote on Mixed Beverages, you will see they are paid for by YP Anson. So what is YP Anson? Is it some political action committee funded by out-of-state alcoholic beverage manufacturers and casino owners? No, it's Young Professionals Anson, an organization made up of and funded entirely by local business people and community members under the age of 40.  They are the bankers, real estate agents, lawyers, shop owners, entrepreneurs, factory managers, and tradespeople who will lead Anson County into the next decade and beyond. Most of them were born and raised here, left to get a college education, and chose to return and raise a family...
Post a Comment
Read more